Thursday, June 12, 2014

Bird poo

A few Sundays ago a bird pooped on me. There is a belief out there that this is a sign of good luck. A silver lining for getting shit on by a bird. Awesome. This made me start thinking about all of the other ridiculous "good omens" that people attach to not-so-good things. These myths or old wives' tales or whatever you want to call them had to have started to make people feel better about the bad crap (literally) happening in their lives. Like rain on your wedding day means that you will be rich. Well, that one might actually true because my wedding day was a beautiful sunny day. Not a drop of rain.

So here are some other good luck omens...

1. Bats nesting in your home
  • So when you find bats in your home and you want to scream and cry and get treated for rabies (just in case)...comfort yourself with this thought: Wealth is in your future. We found a bat in our home once. I was convinced that I had rabies for at least a week (even though I never felt the bat touch me, I was certain it bit me without me knowing). Wealth never came. The bat must have just been a visitor. Dammit.
2. Meeting a snake
  • This is supposed to mean good fortune. Seriously? Someone is totally trying to trick us here. Anything would seem like good fortune after meeting a snake. For instance, if I saw a spider after I encountered a snake, I would think: "At least it wasn't another snake! Gosh, I'm lucky." See what I mean?
3. Putting your clothes on backwards
  • It apparently means extreme good fortune. I personally think it means you are either sleep deprived or too drunk. Either way, I think it is actually a sign that you are better off not getting dressed. Just stay naked. And stay where you are.
4. Tingling hands
  • This means that money is either coming to you or leaving you. I have had tingling hands before, so I am pretty sure the latter was true for me.
5. Itching ears
  • Itching ears is a sign that someone is talking about you. If your left ear itches, someone is saying good things about you and if your right ear itches then someone is saying something bad about you. Take away message for me: spend more time cleaning my right ear so that my left ear is more likely to itch. Sometimes my wisdom frightens me.
 6. Seeing a cow
  • This is a sign of fertility and prosperity. I live in a rural area. There are cows everywhere. Come to think of it, I guess people do seem rather fertile here. If you have a teenager, don't live on a farm. If you want a baby, move to a farm. I'm a little disappointed that there wasn't a good omen for something "cow poo" related. By the way, my husband hates it when I say "poo" instead of "poop." We compromise by saying "shit" instead. Thank goodness we are mature enough to know when to compromise.
7. Discovering your initials in a spider web
  • This is not bad at all (unless you encounter a scary spider in the web). I think finding your initials in a spider web would be super cool. Of course, I would have to get close enough to a spider web and the only time that happens is when I accidentally walk right through one. So, it is likely that I would destroy my initials before I ever saw them. I wonder if there is an omen for that. There totally should be.
8. Having alligator teeth
  • This brings good luck to gamblers in Africa. Ummmm...okay. I am not sure how one acquires alligator teeth, but I am sure the gamblers in Africa have that all sorted out. 
By the way, cats walking into your house is apparently a sign of bad luck. I have three cats who live in my house. They are already in my house and they do, indeed, walk around. Does this mean that I will have three times the bad luck for the rest of my life? Or is this omen strictly for cats who are strangers? Maybe the bird poo will counteract the bad luck. Sweet.

P.S. I found most of the information from the websites below. There are additional omens noted if you are interested in learning more. I kept my list to 8 because both sites noted that 8 is a magically powerful number. My birth date does not add up to 8 (which apparently brings you the best luck in the entire universe) so maybe my list of 8 will work instead. 

P.P.S. I totally meant to post this two weeks ago, but I have been experiencing an emotional "crisis." By "crisis" I mean that I totally freaked out over something (shocking, I know). Long story short, I am convinced that I poisoned myself, my husband, my animals, and my house. I won't get into the details today, but let's just say that paint was involved. That's what I get for ambitiously taking on a house project.

Lesson learned: I will never try to change anything about my house ever again. Everything will stay just as it is until we move. I'm sure that will be a fantastic selling point.

Second lesson learned: getting shit on by a bird does not bring any good luck at all. Damn liars.