Let me explain. As I mentioned in my previous post, I am reading an amazing book called The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer. I love this book so much. I feel like Mr. Singer is writing directly to me. He makes happiness and inner peace seem so simple. I'll tell you the secret. Are you ready? Those things that disturb you, all you have to do is let them go. It's that easy. Of course, learning how to do this is the real challenge, but it is a challenge I am taking on because I think inner peace sounds pretty awesome.
One chapter in the book is about your inner roommate. Basically, your inner roommate is that voice you constantly hear in your head. It's that voice that never shuts up and doesn't always say very nice things (at least mine doesn't).
It makes quick judgements about a situation or a person. I don't like that. This is boring. She just gave me a weird look - what a jerk. I don't like her.
It nags you and makes you feel guilty when you are trying to relax. I shouldn't be watching TV. I have a million things to do. How can I be so lazy?
It can turn a perfectly lovely moment sour in a blink of an eye. What a beautiful day. Oh shit. How could I have wasted this entire day of sunshine inside? There will probably never be a day this beautiful again. What the hell was I thinking?
It interrupts your night out with friends: Did I turn off my hair straightener? Oh, God. My house is going to burn down and all of my pets are going to die and it will be all my fault. It's always a lot of fun explaining to your friends why you are suddenly grabbing your keys and running out the door. "Sorry guys, but I think my house is on fire." My friends are now used to this and so their response is usually something like, "Okay, thanks for the wine! Talk to you tomorrow!"
Does anyone else have an inner roommate that sounds like mine? I told you. My inner roommate is a GD sociopath.
Mr. Singer tells us that the mistake most of us make is that we assume we are that inner voice and so we let it talk us into feeling the way it tells us we should feel. But that voice is not us. Rather than allowing ourselves to get caught up in the thought, he tells us that we should simply observe the voice. In other words, don't let the voice control you. Be aware of it, but know that you are not the voice. It is just your inner roommate.
And so this chapter taught me that I am perfectly normal, but my inner roommate is a lunatic. From now on, I am blaming every bad mood I have, every mean thing I say or do, on my inner roommate.
When I start yelling at P for for leaving his laundry in the washing machine over night (again), I will say, "I'm sorry. Your forgetfulness really set off my inner roommate."
When I snap at my mom for calling me when I'm getting ready for work, I will say, "Sorry, Mom. My inner roommate hates interruptions."
When someone catches me rolling my eyes, I will say "It wasn't me. That just really annoyed my inner roommate."
I am pretty sure this wasn't the point of the chapter. I realize that I need to work on observing my inner roommate rather than reacting to it. But it is liberating to know that the crazy voice inside my head isn't me because that voice can be a total B sometimes. Right now I am thinking that I should write a thank-you note to Mr. Singer.
Well, look at that. I guess that B inside my head can be nice sometimes after all.