First things first. My problems with time. I can't get enough of it. There is just not enough time in this life to do all the things that I want to do. But I try anyway.
A truth about me is that I often overestimate the number of things I think I can do and underestimate the amount of time it takes me to do it. This is lethal combination. This combo can lead to a 2-hour night's sleep, anxiety and stress accompanied with heart palpitations, massive moodiness, and house shattering tantrums. (If you envision a two-year-old stomping her feet and screaming with a blotchy, purple face from crying when you read the word "tantrum" - well then, you just got a perfect picture of me on a typical Sunday evening.)
A truth about me is that I am perpetually running five minutes behind schedule. This starts before I even get out of bed. Even when I am ahead of schedule I think, "Oh wow! I wasn't planning on leaving for another ten whole minutes. I can do this, that, and that and this before I leave!" And then guess what? That's right. Next thing I know, I am apologizing to the person I was supposed to meet five minutes ago. I never learn my lesson. EVER. You know what they say about people who do the same thing over and over again, and expect a different result. Thank you, Dr. Einstein. I believe you saved me thousands of dollars that I would have spent in therapy to receive this same diagnosis.
A truth about me is that I am excited to try new things, get involved with projects, and attend fun social events. It is hard for me to turn down a project proposal or social invitation. Most of the time it's because of genuine interest, but sometimes, just sometimes, if I am truly honest with myself, it's because of my fear that I might miss out on something. A career opportunity. A new friendship. An amazingly fun time. Maybe it's the only child in me, but sometimes I say yes because I don't want to be left out of something that might be great. I often think if I say yes, then I might contribute to that something's greatness. And that thought thrills me.
A truth about me is that I spend a lot of time working: composing emails, attending meetings, preparing for presentations, writing proposals, reviewing proposals, doing laundry, trying to organize my drawers and closets (trying being the operative word because my closets and drawers never actually get organized), vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, grocery shopping, paying bills, walking my dogs, working out...the list goes on and on as many of our lists do. I know, right about now a parent is rolling his/her eyes and thinking, "Try all that with a kid!" And you are right. I don't know how you do it. I am convinced that parents must have a superhuman gene because I can barely take care of myself. You are amazing in every sense of the word. I seriously mean that.
Now back to me.... (There's the only child in me again.) My point is that I spend so much time working that even when I'm not working, I am thinking and planning about working. I realized that I do not take the time to pause, take a deep breath, and think about me. Not think about my work. Not think about what I need to do or what I should be doing. But think about me. Where I am. What I am doing right now. How I am feeling. How damn good this moment actually is. Sometimes I have to remind myself to stop and admire the blue sky, the pretty flower, the changing leaves. That moment, that image, that feeling will be gone before you know it. Stop and take it in.
And so that is my main reason for writing a blog. Not to add to my "To Do List." Not to make money. Not to gain recognition. Not to become famous. This is for me - to help me take in life. To help me take in my life. I want to really see things, feel things, marvel at things. As my yoga teacher says, "It's time to reconnect and recollect." She's right. And when all else fails, sometimes we just need to reboot.